The Nightmare on Constitution Avenue

The Tongass Chainsaw Massacre. The Coal Pit and the Pendulum. The Haunting of Capitol Hill House. No matter what order you rank some of the scariest stories of all time, there’s a new horror story developing in town that deserves a place among the greats. The Nightmare on Constitution Avenue is as revolting as it is shocking…and the scariest part is that it’s based on a true story. Grab your backwards ranger hat and saddle up for one of the most frightening rides of your life.

The Nightmare on Constitution Avenue starts out much like any chilling film, with everything rosy and hopeful. Endangered species are making a comeback. One of the world’s largest protected areas has been expanded and is now the largest contiguous fully protected conservation area under the U.S. flag.

But in rides Ryan Zinke. This Secretary of the Interior claims to be the second coming of Teddy Roosevelt, who must be rolling in his grave. Secretary Zinke forms an International Wildlife Conservation Council, with a focus only on hunting, that meets in the black swamp. He redecorates the Department’s Headquarters with taxidermied heads and begins slashing regulations left and right, while eliminating obstacles for his those who seek to destroy the most vulnerable wildlife and wild lands.

While flying his pirate flag, he unleashes vampires to suck the oil and gas from under public lands and waters and digs graves for imperiled species. His extinction plan guts the nature you hold dear.

Secretary Zinke wins “least recognizable” for his portrayal of the rough rider, without the mustache or the conservation chops.

He’s haunted by the ghosts of climate change language he carved from official reports and butchering the Endangered Species Act seems to be one of Secretary Zinke’s favorite pastimes. Will the bogeyman ultimately be undone by his own hubris?

Sit back and watch this horror unfold or take action to stop this madness! And donate to support our work as we battle this nightmare on all fronts.